Dad’s Pages

In these pages you will find stories about my father. Some are pretty touching, others not so much. But I can tell you that there will not be as many stories here as there are with Mom because Daddy spent 18 years in prison. A lot of these stories will come from the times I went to visit him. But probably the bulk of this part of the story will deal with the abandonment I felt, being scared to the brink that I thought I would literally die, or just rants about my relationship with him.

Growing up, my Daddy was the most important person in my life. But as I got older, I realized that I was never a priority unless it benefited him in some way. More times than not, I was a pawn in his very shaky game of chess, and I was none the wiser because I was so hungry for his love and affection.

For a long time, it worked. Until he decided to try to get violent with me when my then 2 babies were there to witness it. I realized then, I wasn’t afraid of him. Or maybe I was, but was just too pissed off to care? Heh. Right now, I couldn’t tell you what it was. But it was in 1998 that I was smacked in the face with the realization that I was inconsequential to him. It was then that I realized that he didn’t matter to me; not in the way that a parent should matter at least.

Now, I have concluded that pretending that he doesn’t exist is not healthy for my kids. For them, I will bite my nose off to spite my face. I love my own children enough that I have sucked it up and allowed Daddy back into my life. It is strained, I wont lie. But I will do anything within my power to allow my children the life I never had a chance of having.

…..That’s what parents are supposed to do.